I don't really know how to start this post. I find it a bit awkward to have a blog and write out my thoughts and my truths to the world. I keep a lot written in a journal, but some things I do like to share in the hopes that I may find others who feel the same as me or have been down this path. {I will apologize in advance for my grammar and run-on-sentences 😑)
All my life I have struggled with the idea of God, Jesus or religion. When I was younger, I had my grandmother's old King James version bible. I remember keeping it close in my bedside table, despite not fully understanding the meaning behind these archaic words. It felt, "right", in a sense to have it close by.
In Highschool, I met a few kids who were part of a church and youth group. I wanted to try and see what church was like. I attended for a little while, I can't fully remember how long, but I went for at least a year or so. I am not going to say what kind of church it was - all I will say is that it was a Christian church where the people who attended did not truly accept "outsiders" or people who were different. I have always had a very liberal mind when it came to equality and believed that everyone, no matter their race or sexual orientation should be accepted. Let's just say I was never fully accepted because of my liberal mind. I started feeling guilt over EVERYTHING, also, around the same time, I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and depression. I am lucky my parents were so patient and supportive. I also had some really wonderful friends who accepted and loved me for me.
Fast forward to present (I want to keep my blog posts somewhat short) - I do not consider myself to belong to any sort of religion. If someone asks I say that I am spiritual. I believe there is a God. I believe in Jesus. I believe in a Higher Power. I don't believe I should "pay" for God's forgiveness (when church's ask for money). I don't believe God wants us to start wars or hate anyone. I believe God can be a man, a woman, Buddha, Waheguru etc.
This metaphysical mountain I have recently ascended upon has been a challenging climb. I am at the very bottom of Mount Everest trying to navigate my way to the top - the top is what I will consider to be my spiritual awakening. I don't know if it will take me a few months, a few years or my entire lifetime, but I am only just beginning. Crystals have been an amazing tool to get me started. I am also working with an incredible woman who is really softening my heart and helping me to slowly shed my defensive shield that I have held onto all my life. I hope to one day, be fully rid of the fear of humiliation and judgment. To really believe in those words when I tell someone that "I. Am. Spiritual."