Do you ever feel like your energy is stuck somewhere in your body? You want so badly to break free of this dark matter that has taken hold of this part of you. You want to rip open the curtains and let the sunlight wash it all away and banish this dark matter.
I feel this way. I feel this in my head. My heart is open, my soul wants to awaken and start running down that side of the mountain. I am like the Major Arcana, The Fool - dreamy, optimistic, ready to start this journey with no baggage. But the truth is, I have baggage. I have LOTS of bags to unpack. Pretty sure the airplane wouldn't be able to hold the amount of baggage I bring.
First off, I want you, the beautiful reader to know that I am not a writer. My sentences may be run-on, my grammar off etc. but know that these blog posts I write are completely from my heart space. I am giving up caring what people think of me. Throwing my hands up and not giving any fucks anymore.
I'm working with a wonderful therapist who is chipping away at a large traumatic event ("Traumatic Event") that happened in my life over 10 years ago. In order to address this Traumatic Event I have to go wayyyy back to the beginning. To the little 8 year old who felt lonely and different from every one, especially in my family. It's tough work and I find in the middle of sessions a huge BLOCK goes up. My therapist is amazing and recognizes this. At times we will try push through it, other times the block is just too heavy to budge or even chip at.
Since returning to my love of crystals and opening my mind and heart more to the metaphysical realm, I find myself desiring to be free of the chains that I created for myself over the years. I want a spiritual awakening and all my Spirit Guides to come in and hug me. To tell me that they have been waiting for me to get here. I am trying to do this naturally with time, but those who know me know I am impatient as hell. I want to be able to say "YES, I AM AWAKE! MY INTUITION WILL GUIDE ME!" But this hasn't happened yet...
I found tarot through my good friend who began reading tarot publicly. I admire her fire and spirit and love how she is so unapologetically true to herself. I loved the symbolism in the cards. The mysticism and the fact that tarot really is based upon your intuition. I connected with a lovely woman name Jenn from Not So Mystical Tarot and took her amazing class, Writing Tarot Upon Your Heart. It really helped build a foundation for tarot for me and now I am expanding my learnings by following other tarot readers like Bakara from Everyday Magic and Brigit from Biddy Tarot.
Why do I mention tarot in this blog post? Because it is tarot that is currently challenging these emotional blockages inside of me. I can literally feel my brain blocked when I try to let myself go more and loosen the chains. Something screams inside of me that I'm crazy and shouldn't believe any of this witchy, woo-woo shit. I am reaching for my tarot meaning books and explanations for cards and not allowing myself to fully let go and let my Spirit Guides come through. I do feel a surge of energy inside of my soul that is fueled everytime I reach for my deck or hold my crystals and I really, really hope that one day (soon) I can totally break through these damn ugly blocks and light my soul ablaze.
Do any of you resonate with feeling this way? How do you help yourself when you feel these emotional blocks come up? I would love to hear your stories and encourage you to comment or email me at email@example.com